What a weekend!

Wow! There were definitely points I didnt think I would survive the first sleepover weekend. I  felt in over my head despite the numerous warnings that foster kids would not behave like my own biological children. I really wasnt at all prepared for how defiant they would be. I had heard repeatedly that the kids would be fighting for control but to see it play out in real life was completely overwhelming.

A few examples:

  • Despite being a great eater in her current placement, Daisy refused to eat the dinner served Saturday night. She ate strawberries instead.
  • Donald insisted on wearing shorts and no shirt all weekend despite freezing temps.
  • Both refused to wear coats to the playground although they did  *get* them to bring them at least)
  • Daisy refused to go for communion (something she has previously been excited about)
  • Mickey told Daisy “no computer” to which she promptly signed in.
  • Both kids were told not to leave their rooms before 7am. Both did.

Honestly, I could go on all night. I am VERY eager to see our social worker tomorrow and get some advice and tools to deal with their behaviors more effectively next weekend. I did find that negotiating and ultimately “bribing them” worked fairly well (shower with shampoo and soap and you can use the computer for 30 minutes) but that just feels WRONG to me. I would never have done such a thing with my biological children. There has GOT to be another way.

On the plus side, Tinkerbell, Pluto & Goofy were AWESOME all weekend! They went out of their way to keep the kids engaged  and get them settled in to their new rooms. I couldnt be more grateful for their support! They truly are a blessing to these kids.

-Minnie xo

[All names have (obviously) been changed to protect the privacy of our family.]

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1 Comment

  1. “I really wasnt at all prepared …”
    That sounds familiar. I had read so many books before my daughter Ashley moved in, and I really thought I had a handle on it all, but it was so much more overwhelming than I could have predicted.
    We had some extreme behaviors (throwing things, breaking things, hitting, swearing), and a long period of testing (as if she was saying “If I do _this_ are you going to get rid of me?”).
    We got through it all eventually (all those behaviors are long gone), but those early months were so hard. Heather Forbes’ Beyond Consequences materials were very helpful to me; I never perfectly mastered her methods, but her books were hugely important in helping me understand what was beneath the behaviors. Also important was making sure _I_ had support and resources.
    Good luck! I trust you’ll find your way through this.

    Reply

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