One Day at a Time…

Right now we are living one day at a time…. sometimes one hour at a time or even one minute at a time. I can’t handle the scary abyss that looms beyond that. The reality of what we are living is so intensely stressful and riddled with fear that I truly couldnt survive if I tried to think about next week, next month or next year.

Donald’s behaviors have continued to escalate. We had a REALLY bad weekend.  He is extremely agressive with the animals. Hell, he is extremely agressive with EVERYONE. Its sad to see someone so young (or anyone really) have such a hatred for life and want to spread that as far and wide as he can. We learned this weekend that Donald killed a pet in the last home he was placed in before the group home. Bashed it with a rock. Within a few days of placement. Great, huh? Would have been nice to know this prior to choosing these children since we have 2 cats and 2 dogs and stated in our home study that we were NOT interested in caring for any children that could harm our animals. Serial killer in the making? Ugh.

Things are very much in a state of change right now as our agency tries to accomodate his needs and keep this family in a stable place. They are literally here every day right now. The have secured respite for Donald for this weekend and for Daffy next weekend (2 different homes). I am THRILLED for Daffy that she will have 2 weekends away from her brother. Our social worker is really concerned for her. She is reliving all the trauma and domestic violence of her past every day she lives with her brother. She is “stuck” and can’t move out of the cycle that he continues to keep her in. She is living her life in fear and in fear for her life.

We have installed bedroom door locks on all the kid’s doors other than Donald’s. Instead, he got a handy dandy door alarm so that each time he opens his door, a doorbell sounds in our bedroom to alert us so we can immediately determine his activity. This has provided some measure of safety for us at night without him having the embarrassment of an alarm blazing and waking everyone. Honestly, I think he would torture us all by opening and closing the door all night if he had a true alarm anyway. So, until he figures out our master plan and we need to up the game, this works.

Managing their care is virtually a full time job… calls from the school (physical restraint by the vice principal on day #3), meetings with social workers, state workers, family support specialists, Wendys Wonderful Kids worker, CASA worker, and social workers doing an intake report, counseling, more trainings (Mickey still needs to get licensed!), respite plans and so much more! Its almost overwhelming to think I am still attempting to hold down a job…. a much needed job since Mickey was laid off on January 1, 2012.  Aaaaargh!

We really are doing everything in our power to get this child the help he needs and keep everyone safe. Honestly, I am tired of thinking about all of this and don’t want to spend another minute whining about it, but I feel I need to document this through my blog in hopes that:

1. I will make it through to the other side and one day remark on how brave we all were to survive.

2. I am creating a true chronicle of what intense level foster care is like so that others who read this will be more prepared than I was to take on such an enormous task.

-Minnie xo

[All names have (obviously) been changed to protect the privacy of our family.]

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6 Comments

  1. Andrea

     /  January 25, 2012

    I just wanted to offer my support. I can and can’t imagine how you are feeling. I became the mother to three, previously unparented, foster children ages 2, 3 and 4 plus I have my own 2 and 4 year old and I couldn’t believe the chaos that ensued. I was living hour to hour as well and panicked when I thought of life like that forever. I feeI for you and the extreme unexpected changes that have taken place in your lifestyle and home. Hopefully once Donald gets the help he needs things will even out.

    Reply
    • Andrea, Thanks for the comment! I LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing from the “other side”! It sounds like you made it through and that gives me hope that I can, too! I so badly want to look back on this as both the most challenging at yet most rewarding experience of my life. Clearly, my expectations are pretty high, LOL 🙂

      Reply
  2. Robyn

     /  January 25, 2012

    There’s nothing I can really say except I’m thinking of you and your family in this difficult time

    Reply
  3. My friend adopted two pretty traumatized girls. They have gotten past a lot of it now and a pretty happy family, but her blog is:
    http://quackenbaby.blogspot.com/
    Good luck! She also has a door alarm, her youngest just can’t be trusted to roam the house.

    Reply
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