The discharge and a few other things…

Donald was discharged yesterday. Before we attended his discharge, I commented to Mickey that I felt they were “rushing” his discharge just as much as they rushed his transition to our home. Little did I know there was more to come. Apparently they decided to do last minute blood work and learned that his liver enzymes have once again spiked. They had transitioned him onto Abilify and Lithium during his stay. Because of the test results, they decided to STOP the Abilify yesterday. And STILL discharged him. They have NO IDEA if he will remain stable (and I still dispute that a stable person is violently assaulting people every other day) once he comes off the Abilify. And furthermore, the group home he is returning to does not support the use of Lithium in children so they have scheduled an appointment with his usual med provider for TODAY. According to the doctor, Lithium is one of very few drugs processed by the kidneys rather than the liver so there are not a lot of options. The group home staff is also disputing any hint of bipolar. They indicated that the doctor does not know him as well as they do to know how he is triggered. While this could be true, I am resentful that they feel they are the only ones who can understand or manage him but are willing to send him on to an unsuspecting family.

The group home also decided that it would be appropriate for us to speak to him daily- depending on his behaviors. I have been given a number to call each night. If he answers, we will talk. If he doesn’t, then he has lost the privilege to talk. I do understand the need for “carrots” with behavior but I feel its completely out of line to use a family and his attachment (or lack of) as a tool. Shouldnt the love of a family be there no matter what? And what happens when/if he returns here? We wont have the same carrot to dangle thus are set up to fail again.

Apparently he had a good enough day yesterday that we were able to talk to him last night. I wish I could find the right words to describe his tone…. not depressed, but whatever is the opposite of “manic”…. his voice was calm and he spoke more slowly than I have ever heard him speak. If I didnt know better, I would assume he was severely drugged. Maybe he is at baseline because he is at a place he knows and is safe? Maybe he was just drained from the transition of the day? Maybe he is having some sorrow that he has “ruined” another family for himself? I just don’t know. I will be eager to get an update from the group home about how these first few days go.

In news related to Daffy, respite has once again been cancelled for her. The state let our social worker know that they do not approve of respite while we should be working on attachment. I find that quite interesting considering THEY are the ones who pulled her off the adoption track. They felt that we used respite too soon with Donald when we were supposed to be attaching. Should I remind them that our goal was never attachment while he was here? Our only goal was SAFETY. Anyway, I dont mind Daffy being here at all. We only agreed to send her because we wanted her to have an additional support and we had explained to Donald that this was a “normal” part of foster care so we wanted to show that both kids would ultilizing the same services to not single him out.

Remarkably, Daffy’s behavior turned around 100% yesterday. After the “cat incident”, she got herself ready for school in record time and got on the bus. When she came home, she was far easier to deal with than she has been in weeks. She did not finish her homework, but it did not become the usual battle either. She went to bed without an argument even though we had company (including kids) at the time. This morning she stayed in her bed to wait for Mickey to get her up, took a shower and got dressed without argument and even brought me toast and a slice banana in bed before going out to the bus! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let this beautiful little child stay for a few more days before sending back the child who tests us and defies us constantly.

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1 Comment

  1. tikunolam

     /  February 25, 2012

    While I do believe in using motivators to shape appropriate behavior when there is not yet motivation from within, I agree that talking to your family should be tied into a behavior mod system.

    I am not sure how respite was introduced to you. My understanding is that it is purely to meet a need of caregivers. I don’t think it holds any benefit for the child unless it is to make the caregiver better able to care for them (which, of course, is what it does when kids are that challenging). I have never used respite care. I honestly couldn’t imagine placing my child who has already been yanked around in yet another home with a stranger. My breaks come from the hours she is at school or when my husband takes her for a few hours to give me a break.

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