The Overdue Update

So many things are running through my mind right now, I hardly know where to start with an update. Definitely expect this to be a scattered post without rhyme or reason.

Donald is being discharged to the group home today. It was discussed that his transition to our home didnt work well because things were not planned well and I feel like the same thing is happening to him all over again. As angry as I am at his behaviors while he was here, I am sad for him that he has not been given any notice about what this transition will be like and what things will look like going forward. He called me last night at almost 9pm because he didnt even know what TIME to plan on leaving. Thats just not right! There is no therapy appointment set up. There is no med check set up. He doesnt know what his communication with us will be like going forward.  Hell, most of the “team” did not even show up for his discharge meeting yesterday.

As for the discharge meeting, a few interesting things of note came from that.

  • The doctor said he is reluctant to diagnose a child with bipolar, but clearly, Donald is bipolar. The caseworker who attended (the boss of Donalds usual caseworker) seemed surprised but said he very much trusts the judgement of the hospital doctor. I have some limited knowledge of bipolar as Tink was diagnosed “Mood Disorder NOS” so I have done some research, but I do not know what this will mean for Donald and how this might change his course of treatment.
  • The hospital doctor and social worker both noted that Donald is quite “attached” to us and that its very important for him to get back to his “family.” Our agency social worker said that there has not been adequate time for him to attach and thats its simply not possible. I dont know what to believe. Our focus with Donald when he lived here was safety. We never got into any attachment work and honestly, I am not even sure I completely understand attachment. I mean, I get the concept of how a baby attaches, but Donald isnt a baby. I have asked numerous times how we would know if the kids were attaching to us and never got any answer that made me feel like I could definitively  tell.
  • The doctor indicated that when Donald first arrived, he was disregulated and having physical altercations twice daily. At this point, he is down to having physical altercations every other day. This makes his safe enough to be discharged??? I understand that he can not stay at a psych hospital for the rest of his life, but if he is still physically assaulting people regularly, how can he be released?

Daffy is definitely letting it all hang out at this point. Every day is a battle with her. Every. Single. Day. It’s just as draining as our social worker told us to expect and then some. My gut tells me that a lot of it is attention seeking. Mickey and I discussed it last night and I had a great plan in place to shower her with positive attention today. I planned to give her so much positive attention that she wouldnt have a chance to do anything negative at all. She didn’t even give me that chance.

At the Daffy’s request, we set up a baby monitor in her room so she can communicate to us if she needs to at night. Its a video monitor which I felt sort of funny about just because of privacy (especially for poor Tink who shares her room), but Daffy loves it. In fact, when she has been angry she accuses us of not watching enough. So this morning, I was watching her play in her bed before we went to get her up. She had a small stuffed animal and she was aggressively hitting another stuffed animal with it. I wondered if she was working through some stuff, until about 3 minutes into it when she ripped her hand back because she got scratched. It was OUR CAT that she had been hitting, but I hadn’t realized that while watching through the monitor. (Mickey had removed the cat from the room before he left take Goofy to school, so she purposely had gotten out of bed to bring him in prior to my waking up and watching the monitor.) I marched over to her room and the second I opened the door, the cat sprinted out. I angrily told her that it was unacceptable for her to harm the cat. She tried to tell me that she hadn’t. I explained I had seen her, so she promptly covered her ears. I walked out and she threw something at the door. I opened the door and said “throw all you want, but you will NOT touch my pets.” Suffice to say, I wasnt at my best but I simply could not bring myself to speak kindly or lovingly after watching her hit my cat. Thankfully Mickey and I complement eachother well so he was able to help her get ready for school while I continued to stew and mutter under my breath.

To be continued…

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  1. So Which Is It? | Foster Adoption Blog

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