The team meeting today was pretty intense. I was surprised to see two new people in attendance… a post permanency worker along with her supervisor. (Tell me, does everyone on YOUR team come with a supervisor? Its weird to me that almost everyone who attends our meetings comes with their supervisor.) Today I was more vocal than I have been at any previous team meetings. I knew that I needed to get my feelings out on the table. It felt dishonest for me to be feeling so strongly without saying anything. I pretty much “word-vomited” most of the sentiments from my last blog post. Many were supportive and encouraging that we could slow things to a pace that I feel comfortable with, some offered advice for techniques and therapies that could be tried with Donald and one team member was silent…. the one who counts the most- our caseworker. She has only been on the case for just over a month and I think she is honestly overwhelmed. I know she is working hard to get up to speed on our case, but there is simply so much history that its hard to do. Heck, I met the kids in November and I STILL dont feel like I know everything there is to know.
The other major topic of discussion was about Daffy’s request to communicate with her Birth Mom. The GAL cautioned that we should take things slowly so that our fragile and new attachment not be undermined, but everyone felt in agreement that we should move forward. Three members of the team will be meeting with the kid’s Birth Mom NEXT WEEK! It will be a “process” before they can see each other face to face, but that process has officially begun. I was pleased by how much respect the team showed for what *we* are comfortable with as pre-adoptive parents. The thing is, I didn’t need to think this over. As an adoptee myself, I understand the importance of a biological connection and I know first hand the importance of an adoptive family who can support that. I think Mickey is a little more hesitant about it than I am, but it simply isnt up for negotiation. We also discussed the numerous cards and letters that had been mailed to the kids but never delivered (some never even opened!!) It was determined that they WILL receive them at some point, we just need to work with their therapists to determine when the time is right.
The final interesting thing that came out of todays meeting was a phone number passed to our caseworker. A former pre-adoptive family has been seeking contact with the children for past couple years without success. The team again asked my comfort level and I encouraged the contact. This family is a link to their past, people that share a part of their story, people that need to be documented in their life books and people that continue to love them and could be a great support for them both. I was disappointed to learn how long they have been requesting contact without a response from the state.
I am continually frustrated with the number of times the ball has been dropped for these 2 kids. I feel like a good portion of their feelings of rejection come from the direct actions and choices of their previous case workers.
I refuse to let my family be the next “dropped ball”…