If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I have recently been tweeting about Daisy & April… two former residents of the group home that Donald and Daffy were placed at. I thought I would take some time to give you the background.
We first met this sibling group when we were matched with Donald and Daffy and began visits at the group home last November. These girls were Daffy’s very best friends. As we visited with Donald and Daffy at the group home, we got to know Daisy & April as we would often play in the yard together. After the first few weeks of visits, the staff at the group home stopped the girls from playing with us during visits. I think they realized that the girls were getting attached, not so much because they necessarily felt a connection (although maybe they did) but because they were desperate for a family themselves and envied what they saw Donald and Daffy receiving from us emotionally. It was extremely sad to see the staff call the girls away from us, their faces falling in disappointment. Mickey and I talked with our bio kids at length about how connected we felt to these girls. We knew we could be biting off more than we could chew but decided to send this email to the group home on January 3rd, 2012:
I am writing to you because Mickey & I both value your opinion. There has been something weighing on our minds since we first came to the group home. I have stopped myself several times from mentioning it. We have prayed about it extensively and we both feel compelled to get more information.
Let me say first, we both deeply love Daffy & Donald. We want what is best for them above all. That said, something we have discussed from the start is that if things “went well” we would consider adopting another sibling group in the future. There is currently another sibling group at the group home that we feel drawn to and wonder if that is something we should explore or if that would not be in Donald and Daffy’s best interest at this time. There is a part of me that feels that they need everything we have to offer right now, but there is another part that feels we could be “leaving behind” this other sibling group who are also in need of a family (that could be a good match for our family). One of our downfalls is obviously that we want to “save the world” and while we know this isnt possible, we feel compelled to do what we can.
We did mention this briefly to our social worker this morning who suggested we not mention it to anyone unless we were sure (for fear of being pressured), but I know that you know all the children well enough to provide an honest opinion that truly looks out for their best interest. We would appreciate any thoughts you have.
At our next visit, we discussed this with the staff at the group home and they discouraged us from pursuing the sibling group. I think they knew how full our hands would be with Donald and Daffy. (As a side note, at the time, they were a sibling group of 3… 2 girls and a boy. The boy is ironically now separated from his sisters and lives in the same RTC as Donald.) The girls were placed with a pre-adoptive family this summer. We attempted to make contact with the girls on Daffy’s behalf numerous times through our caseworker but were unsuccessful.
The day before Daffy’s adoption, our cw let us know that the girls had disrupted from their pre-adoptive home and may be returning to the group home. It felt like the ultimate sign that this was meant to be. Heck, it STILL feels that way. Over the past 9 months, I have had a nagging feeling that we “left behind” members of our family.
Since we learned about the disruption, I have sent numerous emails to the group home, to our former case worker and to other foster care contacts at the state level whom I have email addresses for. On Friday, I heard from our former case worker that the girls did not return to the group home, but are placed with another foster family. She said she is unsure whether this is a pre-adoptive home. She also wrote to the girl’s case worker and gave me her name (which means I was easily able to deduce her email address since they all follow the same format in our state). I wrote to the case worker myself expressing our interest in submitting our home study. I then heard back from 3 other people (2 at the state level and our new resource worker). They were all forwarding our information to the worker as well. Ummmm, can you say cw’s email is blowing up with our names? LOL I am HOPING the squeaky wheel gets the oil, but we have yet to receive any response.
I couldn’t guess what will happen from here. I have no clue if we will be matched. I don’t know their history and I have no idea why they disrupted. All I know is that we have felt connected for almost a year and I feel compelled to explore this further. Only time will tell….