All Kinds of Updates

Our License: Our foster care license expired earlier this month. The family voted to renew it… all except me. Our resource worker sent me the paperwork and I immediately forwarded it to Mickey. If he wants our license open, HE can do the paperwork. It’s been almost 3 weeks and he hasnt even printed the forms. Pretty sure that means we are done, but no one wants to make that official or actually speak about it.

Jane and Michael: After several psychotic episodes, Jane was moved to a new placement. Thankfully, Michael was left in his current placement where he has been thriving, but there is no guarantee they will be able to move forward with adoption. Sad.

Ariel: We saw her for Mother’s Day as planned and visited her later that week to take pictures of her “prom” at her residential placement. She then assumed she could come stay with us every weekend for the rest of her life. Ummmm, no. I have been avoiding her calls (which border on stalking). I want to maintain a connection, but I am not able to support her at that level. Her infant son is still in foster care with another family and the state has done nothing to secure a home willing to take both mom and son. Pathetic.

Tod & Copper: After providing respite for them, we were called to take placement of Tod and Copper “for about a month.” We declined. Low and behold, they were returned to their mother’s care that very evening. I was infuriated when I learned that, not because they were returned, but rather because they were clearly READY to be returned and yet the state looked to keep them a month longer. THAT is not how foster care is supposed to work, either they are safe to be returned or they aren’t. It should not be determined based on availability of foster homes!

Jack Jack: Tink and I visited Jack Jack and his Mom in early May. He was hesitant with me at first, I think likely because he wondered if I would be taking him again. After a few minutes, though, he warmed right up and was the adorable baby we had fallen in love with! I still get some of his Mom’s mail here and have been texting her for an address to mail it to. I haven’t heard back from her at all. I saw a picture of Jack Jack on her sister’s Facebook page  this week and it looks like he may be living with her. I pray that Mom is able to get herself settled and raise that beautiful baby herself.

Simba and Nala: I have not received any updates on the twins since we declined the placement (family vote, not my decision). I think about them often and miss them like crazy. I have accepted that the placement was not right for us at that time, but I am angry at the state for not allowing us to keep an ongoing connection. There is NO REASON why children can’t have positive adults in their lives without being in a parental capacity. We watched these connections terminated in Donald and Daffy’s lives and we’ve seen it in almost every case. This disgusts me.

Donald: He remains at the residential treatment center, though is now up to 3 nights per week with his (and Daffy’s) birth mom. At my request, I no longer receive updates on him other than what I hear from the birth mom. This has worked out quite well and has definitely reduced my stress. According to his birth mom, he is making some progress in therapy and was recently able to share with her what happened while he was here that led to his hospitalization. That in itself is HUGE progress. In the 18 months since he left, he had always refused to speak about it. Daffy has not had a face to face visit with Donald since late December. She doesn’t want to see him. He recently expressed a desire to have more communication with Daffy so he is now calling from his birth Mom’s on the weekend.

Daffy: I know this is the update you really want, but I just don’t have it in me to go through everything that has been going on. Things are so complicated right now. Every single day is a struggle with her. Her food issues are at an all time high. She stills sees her therapist every other week, but that is all but useless because she shows a different side to her therapist than to us. Her therapist thinks she is happy and well adjusted. Uhhhhhh, no. Happy well adjusted children don’t talk about the deep desire to kill people (not just me, but she also recently told me she fantasizes about it at school). Just sayin. I recently spoke with Daffy’s birth mom for HOURS on the phone and we are planning to start some unsupervised visits and even start some sleepovers. I know most of you are groaning at what a terrible idea this is. There is a part of me that questions if this is the right thing, too, but it’s what Daffy says she wants. I know that I can NOT do this alone. I need a break. Daffy thinks she wants this, so let’s give it a try. Nothing to lose really and maybe it will help Daffy resolve whatever internal struggle is happening for her. If she is feeling torn, she wont have to. If she thinks life is better there, let her learn that it’s not. If she is jealous because Donald is moving there, now she can have her own time, too. I dunno know what else to do. There is no rule book or manual, and even if there was, I assure you Daffy would break the rules and burn the book. I’ve got to try something and this seems to be my only option at the moment.


My Life In A Picture


If my life were a picture, according to Daffy, it would be my death at her hand. Marvelous. I find myself thinking back to the day our social worker told us that the state prefers to have foster children adopted as close to the 6 month waiting period as possible. She told me that every month longer decreases the chance of adoption. At the time, I couldn’t understand why. I assumed that the longer the placement, the stronger the bond. We are currently 18 months post placement and 9 months post adoption. This is how my child feels about me. She not only wishes I were dead, she wishes she were the one who killed me. Awesome.


The Fosters

The FostersI finally got a few extra minutes this week to watch the series premiere of The Fosters on OnDemand. Have you seen it? I have to say, it wasn’t at all what I expected. The thing that struck me the most, though, is how painful it was to watch. The writers and cast nailed the underlying feeling of chaos within the foster care system. From case workers who are “on vacation” during critical transitions, to siblings being separated, this show dug deep in the very first episode. Despite my discomfort, I am likely to watch again.

Have you seen it? What did you think?