It feel really good to dump everything out yesterday, as trivial as it might have seemed. Thank you so much for the comments and emails of support. Your support is one of the most validating things as an adoptive mom. I’m sure you know how isolating this can be when all your “non-adoptive friends” want to suggest ways to parent your child by their experience with their “non-adopted children” who do not come with the same baggage.
Anyway, I’m tired of excuses. I stumbled on Daffy’s Adoptive History today which prompted me to write this letter to the post-adoption worker, the social workers currently working with our family and Daffy’s therapist:
I was going through some paperwork when I came across Daffy’s adoptive history and decided to re-read it. If you’re interested in taking a look, I’ve scanned a copy and provided it here for you.
Of particular interest to me is the psychological history as indicated by THERAPIST. This report indicates that he had been doing trauma work (CBT) and working on bonding and attachment issues. Furthermore, it’s noted that of the two children (Donald and Daffy), “Daffy is more concerning because of her Reactive Attachment Disorder and her inability to care about relationships.” Having lived with Donald for 13 days and knowing what he is capable of, this statement truly scares me and at the same time, I also find it very validating. This statement proves, without a doubt, that Tink has had every reason to fear the safety of her baby with Daffy in our home.
My question regarding this information is two fold:
- Is there any way for me to get records from or meet with XXXX to determine how he came to this diagnosis?
- How is it possible for a child to receive this serious of a diagnosis between 2009-2011 yet be cured of it in 2012?
In addition, I ran across a list of Symptoms of RAD earlier this week on Facebook (see attached screenshot). Other than speech and language problems and brushing off big hurts, EVERY item on this list describes Daffy to a T! I’m not really sure what to do with this information other than confirm to myself that I am not crazy. I’m at the end of my rope with the excuses that are made for Daffy and that she makes for herself. I’m tired of being told that she is “attached” to me. She is NOT. She is manipulative and parrots what she has learned through her placements, extended years at GROUP HOME and extensive therapy over the past 7 years. She has been conditioned to “say the right things,” but it’s clear to me (and my birth children) that she is not genuine.
As an update, Mickey finally heard back this week regarding an appointment for a neuro psych exam for Daffy. He has called back a couple times and left voicemails but hasn’t heard back again. At least we are one step closer than we were before on that count.
I thought I would send this ahead of our team meeting next week so you would all have a chance to give some thought to this. I am just as committed now as I was 90 days ago to making things more livable in my family, but I feel like putting our heads in the sand about the seriousness of Daffy’s psychological problems is not helping her or anyone else.
So, yeah. That’s what I sent. I can’t imagine it will be well received. Daffy’s therapist is the one who removed her Reactive Attachment Disorder diagnosis, so I can’t image she will be happy to have her opinion called into question. Oh-freakin-well. I’m tired of riding the crazy train and not getting the support our family needs because they don’t want to look at the reality of the situation.
We have a team meeting next week… I can imagine that will be loads of fun! 😉