Our Christmas Visit With Donald

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Smudged RTC initials in photos to protect Donald’s privacy

Donald told Daffy & I last night that he was “off level” for attacking two staff members. I emailed the clinician this morning to get more information about what happened and was told “staff has stated he has required seclusion for safety concerns such as attempting to attack staff, but to my knowledge he has not actually attacked anyone. In light of this heightened behavior, I would advise having an on-campus visit.” Honestly, I HATE having visits under these circumstances. Daffy has put up with enough abuse from her brother over the years that I hate to subject her to more. That said, it’s already 3 days after Christmas and more snow is on the way for our area, so I decided that it would be best just to get this visit out of the way. Mickey and Goofy came along, mostly for protection more than a true desire to see Donald.

The visit took place in Donald’s room at the RTC. As we looked around, I noticed some “artwork” hanging on the walls. One by the door was filled with stickers and Donald had written “XXX (name of RTC) is f*ckin b*tch and a$$e$”. Below that on his bookshelf he had written “I hate XXX (name of RTC)” I was surprised to see that the staff would allow such things to remain in his room. Goofy then asked for my cell phone to use my camera to take a picture of a message Donald had written on the back of his door. It read “Mama hit me”. I was stunned. I wanted to ask Donald about it, but didn’t want to incite his recent unsafe behaviors and also didn’t want to unset Daffy. I took a few more photos from a few different angles and promptly emailed them to the team (clinician, cw and GAL among others). Unfortunately the cw and clinician are both out of the office until 1/2/13 for the holiday so nothing will be done until that time. I don’t think Donald has any visits scheduled with his birth mom for this weekend, so I feel fairly certain he is safe.

I keep wondering where that came from. Is he remembering something old? Or did something happen on their Christmas visit? Will this be just one more thing the team excuses away along with his recent  “safety concerns”? How can they do anything BUT connect his behavior since Weds to his Christmas visit? Are they so desperate to get him off their caseload that they will put others, including him, at risk?

I guess time will tell….

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It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!

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Its finally starting to feel like Christmas around here! My friend, Abuggleslife on Twitter, came over with Kibee and Lilbug yesterday and we spent the afternoon crafting and baking for the holidays! Today, Mickey and my in-laws are making homemade perogies for Christmas Eve!

The past several weeks have been one stressor after another. Between Daffy’s explosive behavior, April’s selective mutism and Daisy’s defiance, I was at my wit’s end on more than one occasion. I have mixed feelings about Daisy and April having moved. There is a part of me that misses them, misses what could have been. On the other hand, though, I am very focused on Daffy’s well being and eager to see her get back to a place of confidence within our family. I’m sad that Daffy’s first adopted holiday turned out to be such a stressful time for her.

April’s last night here culminated with Daffy packing her bag and trying to run away. I chased her down the stairs and slammed the door shut just as she opened it (thank God her fingers weren’t in the door!) Definitely not a fun night. 😦

Not only has Daffy had the stress of the 2 foster girls, but also 2 visits with her birth mom (one alone and one with Donald for his birthday last week). She is clearly trying to process the visits and what role her birth mom will play in her life. I can tell that she feels very conflicted and it’s something I plan to mention to her therapist in hopes that she can help Daffy work through the grief and guilt. It breaks my heart that adoption is the happiest yet saddest thing a person can experience.

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